6 Traits of Writing – VOICE

Voice isn’t just about writing. It’s about who you are, your individuality. Voice lives in art, dance, sports, etc. The way we walk, speak, breathe, dance, and move are all parts of our voice.

i_love_my_voice_

Voice Activities

1. Read WriteSource page 40. Complete the “Try It!” at the bottom of the page in a Word/Pages document.

2. Read the story below. It has a very strong voice. The author’s personality really comes through.

“Mouse Alert”

As soon as school was out, we left on vacation. Nothing went the way it was supposed to. Dad backed into a tree on the way out of the driveway, pushing the bike rack thought the rear window and nearly scaring my sister to death. She was cranky the rest of the trip. We had to take our other car, which is smaller and you can’t hook the bike rack up to it. Now my sister and me were crowded together so much she kept complaining about me breathing on her and taking up all her air and foot room. Plus, now Dad knew a big bill would be waiting for him when we got home. It put everyone in a lovely trip starting mood.

We were supposed to go to Yellowstone Park. Well, actually we did, but just barely. I think we hold the world’s record for the shortest time spent in the park. This was all due to my mother’s new attitude towards animals. The night before Yellowstone we stayed in a cabin on the edge of the park. It had a lot of mice, but most of them had the good sense to stay hidden in the walls. One poor furry guy had a death wish and showed himself. The whole family went into action. My father got a broom, which looked like an oversized weapon for a mouse. My mother hugged her pink flannel nightgown around her knees, jumped up on a wooden chair, and started shrieking, “Kill him, kill him!” Her eyes were as big as her fists. I had never seen anyone quite so bloodthirsty. My sister spent the whole time dancing on the bed crying her eyes out and yelling, “Don’t kill it Dad! Don’t kill it!” It was up to Dad and me to trap it. We got it in a pickle jar and took it down to the lake and let it go. It seemed really happy to get away from us. I thought I knew how it felt.

The next day we raced through Yellowstone and then headed home. My mother said she had had enough of animals. For weeks afterwards, this was the big story she told everyone who asked about our vacation. You’d have thought the whole point of our trip was to go on a mouse hunt. Dad said all the money we saved not going to Yellowstone could go to pay for the broken car window, so for him the trip worked out perfect. As for me, I’m still planning to get back to Yellowstone one day. I want to see something bigger than a mouse.

Now, in the same document, rewrite the “Mouse Alert”  story, only this time take all the voice OUT! If you can make this story sound plain, generic, and boring, you can make our own narrative sound interestingunique, and exciting.

11 thoughts on “6 Traits of Writing – VOICE

  1. “Mice”

    School was out and it was vacation. My Dad Crashed in the car and scared my sister so we used another car. My sister kept complaining on the car. Dad knew a bill would be waiting for him when we got home. He wanted it very much.

    We went to the Yellowstone Park then we left again after a second, because my mother’s attitude for animals. The night before Yellowstone we stayed in a room at the park. It had mice, but most of them stayed in the walls. One mouse showed up and was killed. My family didn’t like mice. My father got a broom, to kill the mice. My mother didn’t like mice. She was scared and was cheering dad. My sister didn’t want the mice killed because she felt sorry for them, so dad and me had to kill them. We caught it and took it down to the lake and let it go. It was happy.

    The next day we went to Yellowstone and then went home. My mother said she wanted no more of animals. This was the story she told people who asked about our vacation. Dad said the money we got by not going to Yellowstone could go for the broken car window, so he liked the trip. I want to go back to Yellowstone again. I wish I saw something bigger than a mouse.

  2. ~Mr.Cole~

    The vocabulary word wistful is on page 97 in the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. It is originally set as wistfully.

  3. As soon as school was out, we left on vacation. Nothing went the way it was supposed to. Dad backed into a tree on the way out of the driveway, pushing the bike rack thought the rear window and nearly scaring my sister to death. She was cranky the rest of the trip. We had to take our other car, which is smaller and you can’t hook the bike rack up to it. Now my sister and me were crowded together so much she kept complaining about me breathing on her and taking up all her air and foot room. Plus, now Dad knew a big bill would be waiting for him when we got home. It put everyone in a lovely trip starting mood.
    We were supposed to go to Yellowstone Park. Well, actually we did, but just barely. I think we hold the world’s record for the shortest time spent in the park. This was all due to my mother’s new attitude towards animals. The night before Yellowstone we stayed in a cabin on the edge of the park. It had a lot of mice, but most of them had the good sense to stay hidden in the walls. One poor furry guy had a death wish and showed himself. The whole family went into action. My father got a broom, which looked like an oversized weapon for a mouse. My mother hugged her pink flannel nightgown around her knees, jumped up on a wooden chair, and started shrieking, “Kill him, kill him!” Her eyes were as big as her fists. I had never seen anyone quite so bloodthirsty. My sister spent the whole time dancing on the bed crying her eyes out and yelling, “Don’t kill it Dad! Don’t kill it!” It was up to Dad and me to trap it. We got it in a pickle jar and took it down to the lake and let it go. It seemed really happy to get away from us. I thought I knew how it felt.
    The next day we raced through Yellowstone and then headed home. My mother said she had had enough of animals. For weeks afterwards, this was the big story she told everyone who asked about our vacation. You’d have thought the whole point of our trip was to go on a mouse hunt. Dad said all the money we saved not going to Yellowstone could go to pay for the broken car window, so for him the trip worked out perfect. As for me, I’m still planning to get back to Yellowstone one day. I want to see something bigger than a mouse.

    When school ended, we went on a vacation. It was bad. Dad crashed the car. He broke a window. We took another car. It was small. We were not happy.We were going to yellowstone park. We stayed for a bit. We stayed in a house. There was a mouse. We caught it and released it. We went trough yellowstone park quickly. Mom did not like it.

  4. “Mouse Alert”

    As soon as summer began, we left on vacation. Nothing went the way it was supposed to. He backed into a tree on the way out of the driveway, pushing the bike rack thought the rear window and nearly scaring her to death. She was cranky the rest of the trip. We had to take another car, which is smaller and you can’t hook the bike rack up to it. Now she and me were crowded together so much she kept complaining about me breathing on her and taking up all her air and foot room. Plus, now he knew a big bill would be waiting for him when we got back. It put everyone in a lovely trip-starting mood.
    We were supposed to go to Yellowstone Park. Well, actually we did, but just barely. I think we hold the world’s record for the shortest time spent in the park. This was all due to her new attitude towards animals. The night before Yellowstone we stayed in a cabin on the edge of the park. It had a lot of mice, but most of them had the good sense to stay hidden in the walls. One poor furry guy had a death wish and showed himself. The whole family went into action. He got a broom, which looked like an oversized weapon for a mouse. She hugged her pink flannel nightgown around her knees, jumped up on a wooden chair, and started shrieking, “Kill him, kill him!” Her eyes were as big as her fists. I had never seen anyone quite so bloodthirsty. The other girl spent the whole time dancing on the bed crying her eyes out and yelling, “Don’t kill it man! Don’t kill it!” It was up to him and me to trap it. We got it in a pickle jar and took it down to the lake and let it go. It seemed really happy to get away from us. I thought I knew how it felt.
    The next day we raced through Yellowstone and then headed home. She said she had had enough of animals. For weeks afterwards, this was the big story she told everyone who asked about our vacation. You’d have thought the whole point of our trip was to go on a mouse hunt. He said all the money we saved not going to Yellowstone could go to pay for the broken car window, so for him the trip worked out perfect. As for me, I’m still planning to get back to Yellowstone one day. I want to see something bigger than a mouse.

  5. As soon as school was out, we left for vacation. Nothing went the way it was supposed to. Dad backed into a tree on the way out of the driveway, scaring my sister. She was angry the rest of the trip. We had to take our other car, which is smaller. Now my sister and me were crowded together so much she kept complaining about me breathing on her. Plus, now Dad knew a bill would be waiting for him when we got home.

    We were supposed to go to Yellowstone Park. Well, we did, but just. I think we did the shortest time spent in the park. This was all due to my mother. The night before Yellowstone we stayed in a cabin on the edge of the park. It had a lot of mice. One mouse had a death wish and showed himself. The whole family went into action. My father got a broom. My mother hugged her nightgown around her knees, jumped up on a wooden chair, and started yelling, “Kill him, kill him!” Her eyes were as big. I had never seen anyone quite so bloodthirsty. My sister spent the whole time dancing on the bed and yelling, “Don’t kill it Dad! Don’t kill it!” It was up to Dad and me to trap it. We got it in a jar and took it down to the lake and let it go. It seemed really happy to get away from us. I thought I knew how it felt.

    The next day we hurried through Yellowstone and then headed home. My mother said she had had enough of animals. For weeks afterwards, this was the big story she told everyone who asked about our vacation. You’d have thought the whole point of our trip was to go on a mouse hunt. Dad said all the money we saved not going to Yellowstone could go to pay for the broken car window, so for him the trip worked out perfect. As for me, I’m still planning to get back to Yellowstone one day. I want to see something bigger than a mouse.

    Lachlan
    Period 3 The Puppies

  6. “Mouse Alert”
    When my school ended for summer break, my family and I went on vacation to Yellowstone Park. First, my dad bumped into the tree in our back yard, which really scared my sister. What we had to do was ride in our other car, which was smaller. The trip to Yellowstone Park was not exactly ideal since my sister was screaming very loudly the whole time.
    When my family and I got to Yellowstone Park, we stayed in a cabin. That night, a small mouse crawled in. My mother was terrified of the small mouse, so my dad tried to kill it. My sister demanded that he would not kill the mouse, but my mother disagreed. After some debating whether to kill the innocent mouse or not, we let it go outside of the cabin that we rented.
    My mother decided that night that we would be going home because she disliked the animals. The next day, we left Yellowstone. When we got home, my Dad told me that we have saved some money because we left a lot earlier than we were supposed to, so he could pay for the dented car with the money that we did not spend. After this experience, my mother talks a lot about this whenever anyone asks about our vacation. I hope that one day we will go to Yellowstone again and see an animal that is bigger than a mouse.

  7. As soon as school was out, we left on vacation. Nothing went the way it was supposed to. Dad backed into a tree on the way out of the driveway, pushing the bike rack and scaring my sister to death. She was cranky the rest of the trip. We had to take our other car, which is smaller and you can’t hook the bike rack up to it. Now my sister and me were crowded together so much she kept complaining about me breathing on her and taking up all her air and foot room. Plus, now Dad knew a big bill would be waiting for him when we got home. It put everyone in a lovely trip starting mood.

    We were supposed to go to Yellowstone Park. Well we didn’t. This was all due to my mother’s new attitude towards animals. The night before Yellowstone we stayed in a cabin on the edge of the park. It had a lot of mice, but most of them had the good sense to stay hidden in the walls. One poor furry guy had a death wish and showed himself. The whole family went into action. My father got a broom. My mother hugged her pink flannel nightgown around her knees, jumped up on a wooden chair, and started shrieking, “Kill him, kill him!” Her eyes were as big as her fists. I had never seen anyone quite so bloodthirsty. My sister spent the whole time dancing on the bed crying her eyes out and yelling. It was up to Dad and me to trap it. We got it in a pickle jar and took it down to the lake and let it go. It seemed really happy to get away from us.

    The next day we raced through Yellowstone and then headed home. My mother said she had had enough of animals. For weeks afterwards, this was the big story she told everyone who asked about our vacation. You’d have thought the whole point of our trip was to go on a mouse hunt. Dad said all the money we saved not going to Yellowstone could go to pay for the broken car window, so for him the trip worked out perfect. As for me, I’m still planning to get back to Yellowstone one day. I want to see something bigger than a mouse.

  8. As soon as school was out, we left on vacation. Nothing went the way it was supposed to. Dad backed into a tree on the way out of the driveway, pushing the bike rack thought the rear window and scaring my sister. She was mad. We had to take our other car, which is smaller and you can’t hook the bike rack up to it. Now my sister and me were crowded together. Now Dad knew a big bill would be waiting for him when we got home. Everyone was annoyed.

    We were supposed to go to Yellowstone Park. We stayed there too shortly. This was all my mother’s fault because she thinks animals suck. The night before Yellowstone we stayed in a cabin on the edge of the park. It had a lot of mice, but most of them stayed in the walls. One mouse showed himself. Everyone screamed. My father got a broom, which looked like an oversized weapon for a mouse. My mother hugged her dress around her knees, jumped up on a wooden chair, and started shrieking. Her eyes were wide open. I had never seen anyone so mean. My sister screamed to not kill it. It was up to Dad and me to trap it. We got it in a pickle jar and took it down to the lake and let it go. It hated us. I knew it hated it.

    The next day we raced through Yellowstone and then headed home. My mother said she had had enough of animals. For weeks afterwards, this was the big story she told everyone who asked about our vacation. You’d think we were trying to kill mice. Dad said all the money we saved not going to Yellowstone could go to pay for the broken car window, so for him the trip worked out perfect. As for me, I’m still planning to get back to Yellowstone one day. I want to see something cooler.

  9. “Mouse Alert”

    As soon as school was out, we left on vacation. Nothing went the way it was supposed to. Dad backed into a tree on the way out of the driveway, pushing the bike rack thought the rear window and nearly scaring my sister to death. She was cranky the rest of the trip. We had to take our other car, which is smaller and you can’t hook the bike rack up to it. Now my sister and me were crowded together so much she kept complaining about me breathing on her and taking up all her air and foot room. Plus, now Dad knew a big bill would be waiting for him when we got home. It put everyone in a lovely trip starting mood.
    We were supposed to go to Yellowstone Park. Well, actually we did, but just barely. I think we hold the world’s record for the shortest time spent in the park. This was all due to my mother’s new attitude towards animals. The night before Yellowstone we stayed in a cabin on the edge of the park. It had a lot of mice, but most of them had the good sense to stay hidden in the walls. One poor furry guy had a death wish and showed himself. The whole family went into action. My father got a broom, which looked like an oversized weapon for a mouse. My mother hugged her pink flannel nightgown around her knees, jumped up on a wooden chair, and started shrieking, “Kill him, kill him!” Her eyes were as big as her fists. I had never seen anyone quite so bloodthirsty. My sister spent the whole time dancing on the bed crying her eyes out and yelling, “Don’t kill it Dad! Don’t kill it!” It was up to Dad and me to trap it. We got it in a pickle jar and took it down to the lake and let it go. It seemed really happy to get away from us. I thought I knew how it felt.
    The next day we raced through Yellowstone and then headed home. My mother said she had had enough of animals. For weeks afterwards, this was the big story she told everyone who asked about our vacation. You’d have thought the whole point of our trip was to go on a mouse hunt. Dad said all the money we saved not going to Yellowstone could go to pay for the broken car window, so for him the trip worked out perfect. As for me, I’m still planning to get back to Yellowstone one day. I want to see something bigger than a mouse.

    “Mouse Alert”

    School was over we were going to go to vacation. Bad things happened that day. Dad backed into a tree on the way out of the driveway, made us not want a bike rack and scaring my sister. She was unhappy for the rest of the trip. We had to take our other car, which is small and you can’t hook the bike rack up to it. Now my sister and me were squished. Dad also knew he would have a big bill for his car. Everybody was mad because of the start of the trip.
    We went to Yellowstone park for about ten seconds. This all happened because my mother did not like animals. The night before Yellowstone we stayed in a cabin on the edge of the park. It had a lot of mice, then my mom saw a mouse and got scared. My father got a broom to get the mouse with. My mother jumped on a chair and said, “Kill him.” Her eyes were big. My mother looked very scared. My sister spent the whole time on the bed crying and said, “Don’t kill it.” me and dad trapped it. We got it and let it go at the lake. It seemed happy.
    The next day we looked through Yellowstone and then headed home. My mother said she did not want any animals. For a few weeks, this was the story she told for people who asked about our vacation. Dad said all the money we saved not going to Yellowstone could go to pay for the broken car window. I want to back to Yellowstone one day. I want to see more animals

  10. “Mouse Alert”
    As soon as school was out, we left on vacation. Everything happened wrong. Dad backed into a tree on the way out of the driveway, which scared my sister. This made her cranky. We had to take our other small car. Now my sister and me were too close so she hogged it and said I have bad breath. Dad knew he would have to pay for the car when we got home. It put us in a bad mood.
    We went to Yellowstone Park for a short time. This happened because my mother did not like animals. The night before we stayed in a cabin. It had a lot of mice. One guy showed himself. The whole family started. My father got a broom. My mom was scared and started saying, “Kill him, kill him.” Her eyes were as big. She was bloodthirsty. My sister spent the whole time on the bed crying and saying, “Don’t kill it Dad. Don’t kill it.” Me and my dad got it and let it go. It was happy like me.
    The next day we went through Yellowstone and then went home. My mother said she had had enough of animals. She told the story to other people. Dad said all the money we saved not going to Yellowstone could go to pay for the broken car window I want to go back someday.

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