Revising for Organization

Homework: Tonight you need to revise your own summer story for Organization. Answer these questions about your own writing. If you answered “NO” for any question, then you need to revise your writing to make it better.

Post your revised Summer Story for Organization. At the bottom, write “this writing has been revised for Organization.”


  1. Does this paragraph have an interesting/exciting hook or lead that makes you want to read on?
  2. Does it contain transitions to move one idea on to the next?
  3. Does one idea/thought follow the other in order?
  4. Are there strong details that help the reader ‘picture’ what is happening, and keep the reader’s attention?
  5. Are sensory details used -see, hear, feel, touch, taste?
  6. Are there reflective details – thoughts and feelings?
  7. Are memory details used– writer’s experience & knowledge?
  8. Does the ending summarize the main ideas of the writing? Does it tie up ‘loose ends’ – no unanswered questions for the reader? Does it end in a good spot with a good thought?

One thought on “Revising for Organization


    As we walked out of the airport gate, the blazing hot sunlight dispersed and stared at us. As we continued walking, we met the longest taxi line I ever seen in my life. I couldn’t see the taxi at all, I only saw an endless line of people towards the taxi stop. I exploited a thought, getting on a bus. We all agreed. But in this scorching hot weather, there weren’t any bus heading to our compound, not even near our compound. Luckily my dad was still in the line just incase we don’t find any buses. We waited for about 3 hours, my Ipod ran out of battery. My brother was sleeping, lying on his bag pack, my dad was sitting lethargically and tired on the bench smoking with half closed eyes, my mom was half asleep. It was dinner time, 8: 30 pm. At last it was our turn to get on the taxi!! As soon as I opened the door I felt that its over. The durable long line was finally over.

    IDEAS- I give myself a 4 because the ideas I thought of was quit a satisfactory for myself.

    ORGANISATION-I give myself a 3 because the fluency wasn’t great, but it was still easy to understand the story.

    VOICE-I give myself a 3 because I had good choices of vocabulary, but I wasn’t able to change it into a good voice.

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